Enterprise S1E6 - The Andorian Incident

Archer, Trip, and T’Pal are taken hostage by Andorians in the Vulcan monastery of P’Jem. – Wikipedia.

The good:

The open was pretty cool with the Andorians busting in on the Vulcans.

I always like the Vulcans-as-monks angle, and the idea of the Vulcan monastery was really cool.

Character development for T’Pol was important as she definitely chose her loyalty to Archer and the Enterprise over the Vulcans when push came to shove.

First successful use of the transporter for humans without any side effects. Also was completely uneventful…worked perfectly. Not sure if that’s a let down or not…

Nice subtle humor with the idea that the Vulcans literally can’t stand the smell of humans. Not sure if that was always true though…did Spock spend all those years taking nose cream to kill his sense of smell? If he did, I totally don’t remember it. I suspect a bit of retconning here.

The bad:

Sorry…I don’t want to be a jerk, but there was a lot wrong with this one.

Archer basically just invited himself to barge in on a freakin’ monastery just because it was close by. Honestly, sometimes it feels like the writers are trying too hard to put him in conflict with T’Pol. It felt fake, and I thought it made Archer look like a bit of an a’hole.

Minor nitpick, but I grow weary of the “punch you in the face” variety of Hollywood torture. And then they go straight from punching Archer to threatening to behead the Vulcans.

The Andorians had a sensor array. They used it to detect the transporter, and the additional human bio-signs. They also explicitly said they conducted a lot of scans to search for the spy equipment…but those sensors were incapable of detecting a network of tunnels underneath the entire complex? What about all the bio-signs of the Vulcan spy agents in the complex?

There is so much wrong with the ending that it’s hard to pull everything apart and discuss it one at a time.

So there is a huge secret intelligence-gathering center in underneath the monastery. Which came first?

At first consideration, it seems that the monastery was there first, because it was referred to as an ancient retreat, and we see the mummified remains of the order’s founder. That would mean that the Vulcan High Command decided to desecrate the monastery to put in the spy center. But that ALSO means that they managed to build that huge spy center under the occupied monastery without the monks ever finding out…doesn’t seem likely.

An alternative is the entire monastery was a sham from the start. I guess that could work. If its role was to conceal a super-dooper-top-secret spy center, it is easy enough to believe that they would spare no expense to make the monastery look totally authentic. So we have the catacombs fully stocked with “mummified remains” and “ancient relics”. Even a resident team of monks…even better I suppose if those monks are REALLY monks who don’t know about the spy center at all. Start with some monks that know about the center. Slowly “phase in” real monks that don’t know about it until one day, they are all dupes. TOTALLY makes sense.

Except…not really. First, why draw any attention to the center at all? The Andorians didn’t have any evidence of the center itself, they just assumed there MUST be something if the Vulcans were hanging out so close to their territory. That was a really big spy center. It obviously needed a lot of people to run it. People that need food and stuff…from another planet. The Andorians didn’t need to find the center to prove its existence, they just needed to continuously monitor the suspicious planet until they saw that a lot more shuttles were coming in than were needed to support a dozen monks.

But no matter, the monks knew about the center or they didn’t, right? And if they did know about it, then they MUST have been complicit in protecting it…otherwise there would be no point in them knowing at all.

Why have a beat up old transmitter in the catacombs, like 50 feet away from an ultra high-tech spy center? If the monks are in the know, then they obviously don’t need it. If it is legit, why would they store it in the catacombs? Even if they don’t use, except in the most dire of circumstances, it would more likely be in a closet somewhere…or I don’t know…a boarded up radio room. But no, we’ll just store it next to final resting place of their most holy leader, and the room with all of the relics so allegedly important that to merely look at them would cause irreparable harm to the Vulcan culture. Do they store all their other junk in the catacombs too?

It is evident that at least the Vulcan monk at the end was in the know when he threatened to kill the humans and Andorians after they discovered the spy center. If so…he was totally bad at his job. He should have just mowed them down as soon as they discovered the door. What else was he going to do in that situation, if his primary job was to protect the secret?

THE ENTRANCE TO THE SPY CENTER IS A HUGE METAL SECURITY DOOR CONCEALED BY A FREAKIN’ CURTAIN??? REALLY????? The only possible way that works is if the monks are in the know. Otherwise, the chance of discovery it way to high. Sure, they go on and on about how “no one ever goes into the reliquary” but it’s not like there was anything preventing them from doing so. Why have relics down there if you NEVER visit or use them. Don’t they ever add to the collection?

Having a door sure does suggest that someone goes through it for some reason. Again, I guess evidence that the monks were in the know. But again…why have a door at all to take the risk? Even if the center is under the monastery, just have the door pop out somewhere in the countryside as a precaution.

So, the evidence clearly suggests that the monks were aware of the spy center, even if they were not spies themselves. However, if they were…then why risk the whole operation by telling Archer about the catacombs? Just play dumb, and take the chance with the Andorians. Their “job” was to be cover…risking their life to do so would surely have been in the job description…even if it meant the lives of a couple of humans. National security and all. Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

High tech spy center. Super top secret. Like…its discovery could precipitate interstellar war top-secret. A poorly concealed entrance door isn’t even locked. When you open the unlocked door, there are apparently no sensors that alert security that the door has been opened. You can literally just walk into the place.

Even better…there were people inside working. You can clearly see them. Nobody raises an alarm. Fine. The operators are too busy doing spy stuff to see the intruders. But no cameras? NOBODY is in charge of internal security?

NOBODY NOTICES THERE IS A GOD-DAMNED ANDORIAN JUST STANDING THERE INSIDE THE TOP-SECRET SPY CENTER TASKED WITH SPYING ON ANDORIANS??? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I could forgive all of that…seriously…all of it. Except for the fact that when the Andorians ran into the reliquary room there were torches and candles burning. I think I just blacked out for a minute when that happened.