Enterprise S1E17 - Rogue Planet

Enterprise finds a sunless solitary planet with a small group of Eska who are hunting wraiths, an indigenous telepathic shapeshifting species. - Wikipedia

The good:

Very little…seriously, this episode was terrible. Actually, that’s not true. It was a very forgettable filler episode that was made much worse by specific artistic decisions.

The bad:

Archer’s continued tortured discomfort with PR is getting a little old by this point. Just pose for the damn picture and move on. You’re a space captain on a historic mission. NASA astronauts routinely do PR. It’s expected. Get over it.

The “rogue planet” idea was cool for about 3 seconds, until we learned that it had plenty of indigenous plant and animal life. Where to begin…

Hmmm…for arguments sake, let’s allow that a true planet sized body could be rogue...effectively independent of a gravitational orbit around a larger body. If it was big enough, it would retain some kind of atmosphere. If it had a flora/fauna ecosystem, then arguably that atmosphere would be breathable to humans.

HOW DO YOU SUPPORT A LUSH JUNGLE-LIKE ENVIRONMENT WITHOUT SUN TO PROVIDE PHOTOSYNTHESIS?????? If these are crazy space plants that don’t follow the fundamental rules of science, that would bear mention my dear T’Pol.

That was probably the biggest sin of this episode, a basic scientific flaw so glaring and unforgivable that it overshadowed everything else that happened. Furthermore, it was completely unnecessary to the plot.

I seriously feel like this episode was specifically written to showcase the green and red night vision goggles. “Hey, we need a reason why it’s always dark so everyone always has to wear these cool props.” Yeah sure, they look kind of cool. Not cool enough to support an entire 45 minute episode though. They do also serve as a convenient marker for the audience to differentiate the good guys and the bad guys in the dark, but that was self serving since the only reason it was dark so much was to use the goggles.

I’ve used night vision goggle before, and you know what you DON’T need when you use night vision goggles? Flashlights.  The Enterprise crew would not have been able to see anything with the night vision because it would have been blindingly washed out by the flashlights. The only reason they had flashlights was so the audience could see what they were doing.

I am willing to believe that hunting is no longer a major occupation on Earth because of endangered species or overpopulation or gun regulations or whatever. But Archer snottily said that hunting had gone “out of favor”. Meaning, it was considered a backward or barbaric custom. That’s first world arrogance in a nut shell. Everyone in the future has streamlined jumpsuit uniforms and gets their food from a replicator. Lame attempt to make the audience dislike the Eska on principle.

However, the Eska were seriously the worst hunters ever. They sounded totally badass while in camp, but acted like Monty Python when they were in the bush. Maybe that was the point…they were just bullies relying on superior technology. But I don’t want to give the writers on this episode that much credit for nuance and subtlety.

The whole wraith/Yeats poem thing was a weak attempt to make this story seem bigger than it was. Also, it illustrated a recurring Star Trek issue…the height of human culture was apparently achieved by the end of the 20^th century. No musicians, poets or artists have created anything of note since then.

I don’t know, I could rant some more but frankly I’m just tired of thinking about this episode. Definitely a frontrunner for worst of the season.

Enterprise S1E16 - Fusion

Enterprise encounters a crew of emotional Vulcans; T'Pol experiences her first mind meld, with unsettling results – Wikipedia

The good:

Strong episode overall. A thoughtful meditation on what it means to be Vulcan.

The cold open was great. It was a simple, sweet anecdote from Archer’s childhood that cleverly put us in his place for a moment.

The Vulcan ship was cool.

A fat Vulcan? Oh yeah baby.

Tolaris was awesome, he totally made this episode. The entire time he’s walking the thin line between enlightened guru and cult leader. (V-neck tunic with no undershirt? Check!) We want to like him and believe him. He’s smart. He’s charismatic. He’s an academic who's actually read Surak in original manuscript. He’s a mind-meld rapist.

So yeah, about that... what a terrific scene when Tolaris finally goes to the dark side! Well acted, properly paced, totally believable. Well done.

Hmmm...I hesitate to label this as good, because it was ultimately a domestic abuse situation…but the whole relationship between T’Pol and Tolaris was just so well done.

Archer gets to solidly step into his role as daddy for T’Pol. At least that’s one less crew member that wants to bang her.

The bad:

I’m pretty sure it isn’t advisable for two ships to fly around for days on end while docked together. The slightest deviation in speed or heading would rip it apart, right? Either stop and do the repairs, or conduct the scan. Are they in a rush?

I loved so much of this episode, especially how well the writers handled such sensitive material, but I feel like it got a little muddied at the end. The climax of this was obviously the mind-rape of T’Pol. That was the point where Tolaris’s lack of emotional control revealed the danger of his lifestyle. But instead, I feel we were supposed to consider Archer’s confrontation with Tolaris was the “real” gotcha moment. What if Tolaris had kept his cool with Archer? Then Archer wouldn’t have had a reason to kick them off Enterprise?

How about this as an alternative....

Archer “You assaulted my science officer. She’s in sick bay recovering from the effects of your mind meld. She just wants this to be over, so get your crew and get off of my ship before I throw you in the brig and drag you back to Vulcan…I’m sure they’d love to hear about this.”

Tolaris “It’s unfortunate that T’Pol was not ready to continue her spiritual growth. Thank you for your assistance with our ship. Goodbye.”

Think that sounds too fake? I think it would have been brilliant. Tolaris had one terrible emotional episode…and then he’s back to his normal likeable self. Does he truly not understand what he did because of his own emotional confusion? Does he just think the ends justify the means? Is he a psychopath? Was HE mind-meld raped, and is just continuing the cycle of abuse? I guess we’ll never really know, but it sure would give us something to think about and discuss.

But no, as soon as he breaks…he breaks. The entire thing was a sham. Archer/Daddy saved the day.

Except it wasn’t all a sham. We see Kov (fat Vulcan) deal with a painful emotional situation without wigging out.

Maybe Tolaris just sucks as an individual.

Or maybe Vulcan dudes just need to take care of themselves once in awhile instead of waiting for seven years. You know…take the edge off.

Enterprise S1E15 - Shuttlepod One

Reed and Trip are stranded in a shuttlepod with no foreseeable help arriving before life support runs out - Wikipedia

The good:

Hmmm…this was a very middle of the road episode for me. I feel like the shuttle pod episodes (I have a vague memory of two or three from TNG) are always like that. Don’t get me wrong, I can totally appreciate minimalist sets to focus on character, but frankly, the script and the acting have to be top notch to pull it off. I did liked more as it went on, but basically that meant I went from active dislike to bland detachment.

This was the first character building episode for Malcolm where I actually felt a bit of a connection.

The end scene “Am I still dreaming” thing between Malcom and T’Pol was decent (but in no way balanced out the painful set up – see below)

Basically, there was some payoff in this episode, but there was a lot of crap to wade through. Just watch the last ten minutes or so and call it a night.

The bad:

Mashed potatoes to seal a pressure leak? Nope.

How convenient that Archer had a bottle of liquor stowed in the shuttlepod.

                                                                                                                    

The dream rescue sequence between T’Pol and Malcolm was physically painful to watch. Stinky? STINKY? Seriously, I totally appreciate what they were going for, but a swing and miss.

Enterpise S1E14 - Shadows of P'Jem

T'Pol is recalled to Vulcan after the events of "The Andorian Incident". During her final away mission, she and Archer are kidnapped, leading to a confrontation between Vulcans and Andorians. a pandemic – Wikipedia

The good:

Nice opening shot of Star Fleet command in San Francisco.

I am not forgiving the weaknesses of “The Andorian Incident”, but it is comforting to know that there were serious repercussions to the events at P’Jem. And by the way, the Vulcans totally deserved to have their little sanctuary blasted to bits…at least the Andorians gave them time to evacuate.

Mad props to T’Pol for apparently being the only Vulcan in the universe who can stand being around humans for more than five minutes.

I was very happy with the fairly nuanced and far reaching politics in this episode. Vulcan and Andoria are inches from interstellar war. Vulcans and humans are definitely not besties any more. Should we be philosophically rooting for the rebels? Are the Vulcans actually imperialistic jerks setting up puppet governments to secure mineral rights? Good stuff…particularly since we didn’t get burdened with too many exposition scenes.

The slapstick scene where Archer-T’Pol tried to escape their bonds was predictable but acceptable, primary because the inevitable pratfall resulted in the face-full-o-boob instead of the ever-more-popular man-on-top landing.

Andorians always look cool coming out of the shadows. I have to admit I was not expecting them at all…should have…but didn’t.

No PYITFST! 

Overall I thought this episode was decent story that continued a major plotline, and provided tons of possibilities for future development.

The bad:

I thought Archer was a little trigger happy when the rebels intercepted their shuttle pod. Sure, they had an invite from the chancellor, but I don’t remember Enterprise announcing their arrival or asking permission to land in the Coridan capital city. It was totally plausible that they would be approached by a sentry and ordered to redirect away from restricted airspace. Archer didn’t even try identify or explain himself, he just went to evasive maneuvers and started blasting away. Good thing the rebels wanted him alive, the Coridan military would have been totally justified in blowing him out of the sky.

The “rescue plan” was a bit hammy. An alien walks up to a sentry and offers to share a bottle of booze? I’m pretty sure they cover that scenario in mook boot camp.

Every day I'm shuttling.

Yeah....someone made this into an actual song!

Check it out here.

Enterprise S1E13 - Sleeping Dogs

Hoshi, Malcolm and T’Pol board an uresponsive Klingon ship on decaying orbit into the crushing pressures of a gas giant – Wikipedia

The good:

I thought this episode presented a clever spin on the ticking time bomb motif. Gas giants are badass and scary.

The target practice simulator was pretty cool, very reminiscent of Luke’s lightsaber drone in Star Wars.

I was going to freak out about the fact that Enterprise had to bail out so quick from the gas giant while the Klingon ship still had “a few hours”, but they justified it with super armor plating. Good enough.

I didn’t hate this episode, but I found it pretty forgettable, which is a shame because I liked the basic concept. I just don’t think they pulled it off very well.

The bad:

Why did Hoshi and Malcolm have to stop weapon’s training just because the ship dropped out of warp to investigate a gas giant? There was no apparent threat, and they’d not been hailed to the bridge.

“Hey, we just boarded this unidentified vessel floating dead inside the atmosphere of a freakin’ gas giant. I took sensor readings of the ship’s atmosphere for about two seconds. Might as well take off our helmets for no reason” … except of course to set up the bad smell theme. Sure it provided a slight sense of grim foreshadowing, but it was mainly to set up the incredibly weak one-liner at the end of the episode. Totally not worth it.

Hoshi identifies the ship by reading Klingon, and the next scene complains about how hard it is for her to read Klingon.

On that note, it’s OK if T’Pol doesn’t have every single Klingon vessel committed to memory, but the ships computer is incapable of running an image search to try and identify a ship? That sure seems like a handy app.

Did T’Pol and Hoshi just do it? I don’t usually succumb to the equivalent of dick and fart jokes, but check this out…

“Take my hand. Close your eyes.”

“Whatever you’re trying to do it’s not working!”

“Focus.”

…deep breath… ”That was amazing” … exhale…

“When we return to the ship, I’ll teach you how to do it on your own.”

“Thanks.”

This is the third or fourth time Enterprise has encountered the Klingons, and this is the first time that Archer bothers to type “Klingon” into Vulcan google? The Klingons have been a pain in the ass for years, but Vulcans never briefed the crew on basic Klingon psychology…especially since saving a Klingon was the actual reason Enterprise launched early? Weaksauce.

No crewmen are available to weld girders into a shuttle except the captain and the chief engineer?

The captain piloted the shuttle craft on the really really really dangerous, no guarantee of survival, last ditch rescue mission into a metaphorical burning building? Sure, why not.

The weird spa/tanning salon thing with the decontamination chamber at the end was just…odd. I eventually got it that they were supposed to be really happy they were getting “clean”, but it sure didn’t come off that way at first. It sort seemed like a weird pre-orgy sauna, which I guess would have been awesome. However, It DID seem like they finally regretted taking off their helmets, so maybe next time we won’t have to deal with that foolishness.

Enterprise S1E12 - Dear Doctor

Phlox and Archer must decide where their morals lie about letting a species live or die from a pandemic – Wikipedia

The good:

This was a pretty deep one, particularly coming off the last shoot-em-up episode.

Phlox finally gets his spotlight . Good pacing between the opening montage/exposition scenes and the CSI planetary stuff, while keeping the focus clearly on Plox the entire time. I feel like this is what the writers really wanted to do for Malcolm in the last episode.

I continue to love Phlox, particularly the way his character walks the line between between being an outsider and companion amongst the crew. Of course, that has been a recurring gimmick on Star Trek from the beginning (e.g. Spock, Worf, Data, etc.) However, I think Phlox does it better than all of them. He is curious, but not naïve like Data. He is confident, but not stand-offish like Vulcans. And he is willing to be vulnerable, unlike certain Klingons I know.

Phlox and Porthos in a scene together! Boom.

We don’t get too caught up in the Trekno-babble of the medical research. Dudes are sick. Phlox is on the scene doing his thing. We learn just enough to follow along, and don’t care about the nitty gritty details. Phlox never even gives details on the cure, because it doesn’t really matter for the story.

Same thing with the relationship between the Valakians and the Menk. I think that this where the episode really could have gone south. In fact, I was kind of waiting for it to happen the whole time. But they pulled it off. The situation (peacefully co-existing humanoid species at different stages of development) is improbable but not impossible. We get little hints about the complexity of the relationship between the two species, but never anything definitive to make us feel like the Valakians are outright assholes to the Menk. 

Of course the centerpiece of the episode is the gut check Phlox and Archer face on “playing God”. It was set up perfectly with a relatively advanced race that had already encountered warp technology. We get to see their planet, and of course it sure looks a lot like Earth. We definitely want to help the Valakians.

Did Archer and Phlox make the right decision? We have the benefit of knowing that the Prime Directive is on the way, but they didn’t. This was a growing up episode for Archer. I feel like it is the first time he had to make a really tough command decision.

I was CONVINCED that the “cure” was going to be the Valakians and Menk interbreeding. I am so glad it didn’t go that way.

The bad:

Umm…nothing? How odd. 

I don’t want to go out of my way to find something just to make a point, so we’ll just chalk this up to a win and move on. Good job guys.

Vulcan LOL

Enterprise S1E11 - Silent Enemy

Archer faces an enemy that doesn’t respond to hails while Hoshi tries to find what Malcolm’s favorite food is to surprise him for his birthday – Wikipedia

The good:

Everything about the aliens was awesome. Their ship looked cool with the glowing green accents. Great use of CGI for the aliens themselves, it was refreshing to see something more than just humans with funny ears or face “stuff”. Their faces kind of reminded me of the bounty hunters from The Last Starfighter. The way they walked was smooth and spooky and weird, definitely evoked a wraith-like effect.

I LOVED the fact that the aliens didn’t talk, definitely upped the creepy factor.

The brief moment when the aliens skittered through the flashlights at the end of the corridor was terrific.

Holy crap, the transmission where they edited Archer’s macho “come and get us” speech into a surrender ultimatum was A-MAZING on at least two different levels.

There was some good ol’ fashioned treknobabble while installing the phase cannons. Power conversions over jury-rigged systems. Something about transferring overload energy to the ship’s structural field. Sparks flying. Relays blowing up all over the damn ship. Yeeeeeehaw!

I am going to assume that this was a one-off, I don’t expect to see these mystery aliens again. But it was a fun, classic battle episode while it lasted.

Porthos is the cutest space dog ever. I loved the scenes where he was just following Archer around the ship. Where does he poop? Who walks him while Archer is on duty? Who cares? He’s cute!

The bad:

The Wikipedia description alone should indicate how uneven this episode was. Archer battles mystery aliens. Hoshi tries to learn what Malcolm likes to eat. Lame-city. It all comes together at the end when Malcolm gets his special treat, but it was sooooooooooo forced. I don’t care how taciturn someone is, I REFUSE to believe that his parents, his sister, and his best friend collectively have NO idea about ANYTHING he likes to eat. Like, they were so clueless about his preferences that they couldn’t even fathom a guess? It’s OK that it was Malcolm’s turn for a character development episode, but the whole food thing was just awful.

The whiny “We don’t want to go back to back because that would mean we are losers” angle was overplayed. Of course, it was ultimately necessary for the Enterprise to install their own phase cannons because the aliens were still hunting them. But really? They have no schedule to return home for shore leave, or resupply, or transfer of personnel? The ship sure has gotten beat up, they must be running out of spare parts or torpedoes or something by now anyway.

It is evident that the phase cannons could be installed in a fairly short amount of time. Two days with maximum priority and double shifts could easily have been spread out over a couple weeks without too much effort. So with that in mind, it beggars the imagination that no one thought to install the damn things earlier…you know, just because. But I guess it makes sense, apparently they were not even aware they had all the necessary parts on board until now.

Does the Enterprise even HAVE shields? Yeah, I know it’s “polarized hull plating” this time around, but even so. A stiff space breeze knocks them offline, and I don’t remember a time when they actually prevented damage to the ship.

Enterprise S1E10 - Cold Front

Archer finds out a crewman is helping to fight the Temporal Cold War against Silk and some of the Suliban – Wikipedia

The good:

Very solid episode from start to finish. Glad to finally have a definite story arc rather than another one-off, particularly since it referenced back to the pilot.

I liked the cloak and dagger game between Daniels and the Silik. Who should Archer trust? Silik saved the ship, but he’s already proven to be a “bad guy”. Daniels has a great story, but no reason why he couldn’t just be a very convincing sleeper agent. Even at the end, we don’t really know what happened, other than Enterprise is caught up in something big.

It was a little forced of course, but I like that the writers made sure that all of the advanced gadgets were destroyed or lost.

Great cliffhanger-ish ending…obviously more to come with the Temporal Cold War.

The bad:

It did seem a bit overgenerous to give the pilgrims a detailed tour of the warp core, easily one of the most critical areas of the ship. Only reason to do it at all was to allow Silik to save the ship.

I guess Star Fleet doesn’t follow HIPAA. What if that poor bastard trying out the medical scanner had cancer or space syphilis? Luckily he was “in perfect health”.

The melt through the walls gadget. On the positive side, it WAS cool, and a great way to essentially settle the matter on whether or not Daniels was from the future. However, it did fail on the “selective application of the special power” issue. You mean to tell me that every part of the person using it becomes incorporeal except for the soles of their shoes? That is both very specific and highly useful.

Silik infiltrates engineering. For some reason, Daniels orders everyone out…which makes no sense whatsoever. Tripp can’t call for security from engineering…he has to actually “go get help”? Literally the exact moment that as everyone leaves, Silik appears and kills Daniels. Tripp and T’Pol witness the murder, and then run away to find the captain. They NEVER call for security. They just leave the most sensitive area of the ship in control of Silik. Malcolm is never alerted to the security breach until after Archer is revived.

On that note, isn’t odd that Malcolm wasn’t kept in the loop about the Silik-Daniels issue? Like, hey dude we’ve got two spies from the future on board…we’re giving one of them command-level access to our systems…and the other one can turn invisible and contort his body to fit through tiny access spaces…just a heads up.

As long as I live, I'll never surrender you.

Check out this Mental Floss article for more details.

Enterprise S1E9 - Fortunate Son

The cargo ship Fortunate was attacked by Nausicaans and the Enterprise lends a helping hand only to find the crew of the Fortunate has secret plans – Wikipedia

The good:

Directed by LeVar Burton.

The design of the freighter was good. It made sense to have a central section with modular cargo pods. Also, it looked cool.

Good establishment of mood when the Enterprise crew encountered the Fortunate crew. I really thought it was some kind of mutiny at first, and that the X.O. was edgy about them helping Captain Keene recover.

Great development episode for Ensign Mayweather. I liked the exposition on the blue-color “Boomer” culture. It isn’t just fancy pants ships like Enterprise flitting about out there.

The bad:

The cold open low-gravity football shot. In the moment it was really cool, but it didn’t hold up at all. At no other time do we see the low-gravity effect. Even in the same scene, Ryan and Keene appear to be in normal gravity conditions. I suppose it’s possible that the artificial gravity is off in the middle of the cargo bay for some reason, but very unlikely. Gravity is normal in every other cargo bay (we see at least two others during the episode).

They go out of the way to point out that the freighters are basically sitting ducks. Does that actually make sense? I understand that this is early exploration and ships are expensive, so providing an armed escort is probably prohibitively expensive. But is there an actual reason why they can’t just give the freighters halfway decent weapons? Even so, if their little beam cannon is basically crap, how did they take out the first Nausican anyway?

More punch-you-in-the-face style torture. Sorry, probably gonna call it out every time. I totally understand appropriate for TV and kids, but you could always set it up by a cut-away. Don’t show it at all, just let us fill in the blanks. Hereafter referred to as PYITFST.

I always cringe a little bit when Star Trek captains preach about human exceptionalism (e.g. nobility, bravery, perseverance, etc.). I get it. That was totally Roddenberry’s angle from the start, but I’ve never seen it come off anything but pompous when they actually talk about it.

Enterprise S1E8 - Civilization

Archer, Trip, Hoshi, and T’Pol go undercover to observe a pre-industrial civilization to find they aren’t the first observers there – Wikipedia

The good:

Aside from a few nitpicks, I really liked the storyline. It totally makes sense that more advanced civilizations would exploit less advanced civilizations for valuable raw materials. Also I dug the none-too-subtle anti-fracking message.

The cold open was good, T’Pol got to bond with the crew to set up the good news for Archer.

The very first images of the Akaali city from a distance were cool, particularly the moment when they got a shot of the sailing ship. As Archer pointed out, it basically fulfilled every history nerd’s dream of traveling back in time.

We got to see continued development of the Prime Directive in the bridge conversation between T’Pol and Archer.

Archer got his first alien-girl kiss.

T’Pol got to prove she can be quick-witted and bad-ass in a fight.

Hoshi got to feel all confident and have a translator-gasm.

The bad

The single most important word you need before interacting with a new civilization is the culture’s name for itself? Really? Like if I go to France, the most important thing I need to know is just the word “French”? How about “bathroom”?

If they are trying to go undercover, why do the following?

·        Have T’Pol go at all? She has Vulcan ears.

·        Not order T’Pol to at least wear her hood? Hoshi was wearing her hood. Of course, then we wouldn’t get to see our uptight Vulcan let her hair down a bit. BOOM…two puns in one blog post.

·        Send everyone down on a shuttle, which you plan on leaving unguarded, when you have a perfectly functioning transporter?

·        Whip out your damn tricorder and communicator every five feet?

That city sure was clean and sparkly.

But of course the most egregious sin was with the translator. Fine, Hoshi programmed the translator. But there two problems that we had to just ignore.

1.     Based on the alleyway scene between Archer and Riann, the crew clearly depended on their tricorder to do the translation. Meaning, the translated language in both directions would project from the tricorder itself. Even if we allow for the possibility that the crew were wearing earbuds, the Akaali certainly weren’t.

2.     Fine, the translator has a magic ventriloquism button that makes the sound come from the right spot, but Archer and pals are still MOUTHING WORDS IN ENGLISH. I can only imagine how freakin’ bizarre it would be to hear one language, and see lips moving in completely wrong ways to produce those words. Of course maybe I’m wrong. Riann’s lips change from “English” to Akaali when Archer’s translator goes on the fritz for no reason. 

Kirk and Spock get mad.

Enterprise S1E7 - Breaking the Ice

Malcom and Travis seek Eisilium on a comet while T’Pol considers marriage to Koss – Wikipedia

The good:

Another good character development episode for T’Pol. Her journey to the human darkside is nearly complete.

The comet was cool. Very reminiscent of "Armageddon" in a vanilla way.

 I thought the scene talking to the school children was great. It felt very realistic. This is the most famous human exploration in history (at the time), of course they’d have to PR/feel good stuff. Set up with just the right amount of awkwardness.

The bad:

The Vulcan tag-along stuff was very weird. Seriously, why did Captain Vanik agree to dinner with Archer if he was just going to be a dick the whole time? It’ll only be OK if it resolves somehow later on. Hopefully it was more than just a convenient plot device to deliver T’Pol’s mail and dues ex machina the shuttle craft at the end.

Why didn’t they just transport down to the surface? Seems pretty challenging to me to land a shuttlecraft on an unstable rotating surface literally surrounded by space debris. The only stated reason for not using the transporter was that they wouldn’t be able to get a core sample with it.

The comet was only 82 kilometers in diameter. There would barely be enough gravity to keep them on the surface.

Why take the core sample so far away from the shuttle craft, other than to create an artificially long distance to race against the clock on the way back?

Why blast a crater and then take a core sample? Do they want to ignore the most recent layers for some reason? Of course, blasting did set up both the alteration of comet’s rotation and Travis’s injury.

Once Travis was injured, why didn’t they use the transporter to beam him out, given that by that time the race against the clock had started?

The shuttle craft has no capacity to hover? It only has thrusters on the aft to take off like an airplane? I don’t buy it. I bet we see it hovering later on when they aren’t trying to avoid falling into an ice cavern.

Doesn’t the shuttle craft have seat belts? Sure seems like a handy thing to have on a shuttle craft.

Enterprise S1E6 - The Andorian Incident

Archer, Trip, and T’Pal are taken hostage by Andorians in the Vulcan monastery of P’Jem. – Wikipedia.

The good:

The open was pretty cool with the Andorians busting in on the Vulcans.

I always like the Vulcans-as-monks angle, and the idea of the Vulcan monastery was really cool.

Character development for T’Pol was important as she definitely chose her loyalty to Archer and the Enterprise over the Vulcans when push came to shove.

First successful use of the transporter for humans without any side effects. Also was completely uneventful…worked perfectly. Not sure if that’s a let down or not…

Nice subtle humor with the idea that the Vulcans literally can’t stand the smell of humans. Not sure if that was always true though…did Spock spend all those years taking nose cream to kill his sense of smell? If he did, I totally don’t remember it. I suspect a bit of retconning here.

The bad:

Sorry…I don’t want to be a jerk, but there was a lot wrong with this one.

Archer basically just invited himself to barge in on a freakin’ monastery just because it was close by. Honestly, sometimes it feels like the writers are trying too hard to put him in conflict with T’Pol. It felt fake, and I thought it made Archer look like a bit of an a’hole.

Minor nitpick, but I grow weary of the “punch you in the face” variety of Hollywood torture. And then they go straight from punching Archer to threatening to behead the Vulcans.

The Andorians had a sensor array. They used it to detect the transporter, and the additional human bio-signs. They also explicitly said they conducted a lot of scans to search for the spy equipment…but those sensors were incapable of detecting a network of tunnels underneath the entire complex? What about all the bio-signs of the Vulcan spy agents in the complex?

There is so much wrong with the ending that it’s hard to pull everything apart and discuss it one at a time.

So there is a huge secret intelligence-gathering center in underneath the monastery. Which came first?

At first consideration, it seems that the monastery was there first, because it was referred to as an ancient retreat, and we see the mummified remains of the order’s founder. That would mean that the Vulcan High Command decided to desecrate the monastery to put in the spy center. But that ALSO means that they managed to build that huge spy center under the occupied monastery without the monks ever finding out…doesn’t seem likely.

An alternative is the entire monastery was a sham from the start. I guess that could work. If its role was to conceal a super-dooper-top-secret spy center, it is easy enough to believe that they would spare no expense to make the monastery look totally authentic. So we have the catacombs fully stocked with “mummified remains” and “ancient relics”. Even a resident team of monks…even better I suppose if those monks are REALLY monks who don’t know about the spy center at all. Start with some monks that know about the center. Slowly “phase in” real monks that don’t know about it until one day, they are all dupes. TOTALLY makes sense.

Except…not really. First, why draw any attention to the center at all? The Andorians didn’t have any evidence of the center itself, they just assumed there MUST be something if the Vulcans were hanging out so close to their territory. That was a really big spy center. It obviously needed a lot of people to run it. People that need food and stuff…from another planet. The Andorians didn’t need to find the center to prove its existence, they just needed to continuously monitor the suspicious planet until they saw that a lot more shuttles were coming in than were needed to support a dozen monks.

But no matter, the monks knew about the center or they didn’t, right? And if they did know about it, then they MUST have been complicit in protecting it…otherwise there would be no point in them knowing at all.

Why have a beat up old transmitter in the catacombs, like 50 feet away from an ultra high-tech spy center? If the monks are in the know, then they obviously don’t need it. If it is legit, why would they store it in the catacombs? Even if they don’t use, except in the most dire of circumstances, it would more likely be in a closet somewhere…or I don’t know…a boarded up radio room. But no, we’ll just store it next to final resting place of their most holy leader, and the room with all of the relics so allegedly important that to merely look at them would cause irreparable harm to the Vulcan culture. Do they store all their other junk in the catacombs too?

It is evident that at least the Vulcan monk at the end was in the know when he threatened to kill the humans and Andorians after they discovered the spy center. If so…he was totally bad at his job. He should have just mowed them down as soon as they discovered the door. What else was he going to do in that situation, if his primary job was to protect the secret?

THE ENTRANCE TO THE SPY CENTER IS A HUGE METAL SECURITY DOOR CONCEALED BY A FREAKIN’ CURTAIN??? REALLY????? The only possible way that works is if the monks are in the know. Otherwise, the chance of discovery it way to high. Sure, they go on and on about how “no one ever goes into the reliquary” but it’s not like there was anything preventing them from doing so. Why have relics down there if you NEVER visit or use them. Don’t they ever add to the collection?

Having a door sure does suggest that someone goes through it for some reason. Again, I guess evidence that the monks were in the know. But again…why have a door at all to take the risk? Even if the center is under the monastery, just have the door pop out somewhere in the countryside as a precaution.

So, the evidence clearly suggests that the monks were aware of the spy center, even if they were not spies themselves. However, if they were…then why risk the whole operation by telling Archer about the catacombs? Just play dumb, and take the chance with the Andorians. Their “job” was to be cover…risking their life to do so would surely have been in the job description…even if it meant the lives of a couple of humans. National security and all. Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

High tech spy center. Super top secret. Like…its discovery could precipitate interstellar war top-secret. A poorly concealed entrance door isn’t even locked. When you open the unlocked door, there are apparently no sensors that alert security that the door has been opened. You can literally just walk into the place.

Even better…there were people inside working. You can clearly see them. Nobody raises an alarm. Fine. The operators are too busy doing spy stuff to see the intruders. But no cameras? NOBODY is in charge of internal security?

NOBODY NOTICES THERE IS A GOD-DAMNED ANDORIAN JUST STANDING THERE INSIDE THE TOP-SECRET SPY CENTER TASKED WITH SPYING ON ANDORIANS??? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I could forgive all of that…seriously…all of it. Except for the fact that when the Andorians ran into the reliquary room there were torches and candles burning. I think I just blacked out for a minute when that happened.

Enterprise S1E5 - Terra Nova

An early human colony on Terra Nova mysteriously disappeared 70 years ago, and Enterprise is sent to find out what happened to them – Wikipedia.

First thoughts:

I think this was the best overall episode so far.

Directed by LeVar Burton.

I liked to the tie-in to Earth’s earlier exploration efforts. The scenario felt realistic concerning the separatist element and the “lost colony” legend.

No drama between crew members, everyone was effective and efficient at their jobs. Good solid teamwork effort…particularly the completely smooth sailing between T’Pol and Archer.

I continue to be impressed with Dr. Phlox, he is easily one of my favorite characters on the show so far. Straight-shooting, competent, and professional.  Interesting without any drama. Great great work by John Billingsley.

The Novan language was right on the edge of being annoying. However, I thought it was mostly a useful plot device to reinforce the idea that the originally cave dwellers had only been children when they were orphaned. Over the course of two generations, they developed a context specific vocabulary.

Nitpicks:

Meh…nothing major actually. Generally it was a focused storyline that didn’t rely on crazy special effects, aliens, or pseudo-science.

It was hard to keep track of the extras, but it seemed like the Novan’s had some odd demographics. Two old people. Everyone else looked to be in their twenties or thirties. No one in between. No young kids.

I’m not a scientist, but I feel like 52 people is pretty lean to maintain a stable gene pool in the long term.  I don’t have high hopes for long term survival of the Novans.

Nadet definitely looked old enough in her childhood picture to have clear memories of her life before going underground, but it played out like she could barely remember it.

Serendipity

Swing and a miss.

Enterprise S1E4 - Unexpected

Trip helps an alien crew fix their engines only to find himself pregnant – Wikipedia.

First Thoughts:

The cold open was cheesy but effective to demonstrate the systems malfunctions.

The Tekkno-babble was silly of course, but I really liked the idea of a cloaked ship hitching a ride in their wake.

Great introduction to the holodeck! Are these aliens the source of the later Federation technology?

Nice tie in with the Klingons…glad to see they are assholes again. All is right with the universe.

Gratuitous Porthos scene…Yay!

I am soooo glad that Trip didn’t actually sleep with Ah’len...way to go for Starfleet officers that actually do exhibit restraint and professionalism while on duty….although it was cool to see T’Pol get all Vulcan-jealous.

Nitpicks:

Sorry, I just don’t like the theme song. I like what they are doing with the montage…and when the song first starts it seems OK, but the chorus just loses me every time.

I am not going to bother worrying about the actual biological logistics of Trip’s pregnancy. It made enough sense in the context of the episode, and they didn’t overplay it.

The concept of the Xyrillion ship was muddled. They were obviously going for an organic-y feel with the grass and wall food, but then their propulsion system is a Dexter’s lab mess of tubes and coils.

Speaking of which…sure didn’t see any grass on their home world, not sure why they needed it for the ship.

It’s OK that the Xyrillions are a passive race, but they are obviously technologically advanced…no one on their crew has the ability to fix or maintain their propulsion system?

Enterprise S1E3 - Strange New World

A storm traps an away team on an alien world, while spores cause them to experience psychosis – Wikipedia.

First Thoughts:

Earth – with a twist! Porthos gets to be the first dog to pee on an alien planet.

Nice touch to explain the origin of Class-M planet.

I like that the Enterprise crew is still basically bumbling around. They’re still green.

I was initially a little put off by how Archer continues to publicly blow off his second in command when she gives reasonable advice…like we should totally take a little bit of time to check out this alien planet we just found before we start walking around on it. However, I realized that it’ll work if it turns into Archer maturing and learning to trust T’Pol’s experience. She’s done this a lot. The whole point of having her along is to benefit from it.

Holy crap, do we get to play around with the sexual tension between T’Pol and Trip during this episode or what? I seriously thought they might just start making out in the middle of that cave. On a related note, was it just me, or was T’Pol kinda sexy talking all Vulcan-y?

The initial hallucination scenes were pretty cool. I was momentarily freaked out when Travis was seeing crew members walking around in the woods, and Cutler’s hallucination about T’Pol was great.

Banged up, but a little bit wiser, the crew of the Enterprise limps off to the next adventure.

Nitpicks:

Archer really brought along a water-polo ball to space?

At no time did the away team ever seem in actual danger from the weather. It was pretty windy. That’s about it. Speaking of which…the orbiting ship with sensors had no idea that a massive storm was about to hit the landing zone in a few hours?

It was completely obvious they were going to hallucinate somehow from the moment Novakovich smelled the flower…and there was no way they were going to off a major character in the third episode…so not too much dramatic tension here.

So tricorders can take spectral analysis of rocks and stuff, but can’t warn you when you’re about to walk into a massive chasm?

The aborted shuttle landing was super lame. Archer told them to go to a nearby clearing, but it was obviously still too close to the cliff face. Why didn’t they just go back to the initial landing zone? It was “less than a kilometer” away. Travis had already gone there and back without incident when they were at the cave.

Need to rethink their supplies for next time. Apparently they ran out of food and water in like 6 hours. When Travis went back to camp to get the food…he only picked up one small silver bag. He even made a big show of diving to catch it in the wind, so it wasn’t that heavy. Super dehydrated I guess. They were really worried about lack of water after only a few hours? Even if that wasn’t weird, they just spent the whole afternoon skipping stones across a creek just few minutes from the campground…I’m sure they would have pulled through.

The failed transporter scene with Novakovich was totally AWESOME and they blew it. He was a red shirt, he could have had a rockin’ death as half-tree half-man, but no! He just had some stupid flesh-wounds…and then dies pathetically of drug overdose on a slab in sickbay. Sure they learned about the neurotoxin along the way, but they could have found that out from a postmortem when he died as tree man.

AND…once they set up that he survived the transport essentially unharmed, there was no compelling reason NOT to beam up the rest of the away team. So what if they get some cuts and bruises? Sure it’s dangerous and all, but Archer’s first and second officers were seconds away from killing each other in a drug induced rage. That sounds like a textbook emergency situation to me.

Very minor nitpick…but those cases for the phasers are REALLY bulky. That huge case for just four pistols? LOTS of foam padding…better safe then sorry I guess.

Enterprise S1E2 - Fight or Flight

Hoshi faces her fears on an alien ship whose crew was murdered, while Malcolm tries to upgrade the ship’s defense system. – Wikipedia.

First thoughts:

Not too bad, but nothing to write home about.

Good character development for Hoshi. It was interesting to hear her wistfully talk about going back home. In the other series, I always had the impression that people viewed the ship as home, she reminds us that this is actually supposed to be more like a tour of duty.

Hoshi seems like sort of a counselor Troi for the crew in this episode. She can get “impressions” of the Anaxar, but not perfect. I wonder if that’s going to keep going?

She did pull a “I’m a translator, not a…” line in sickbay. Nice throwback, as long as it doesn’t get overplayed.

I love Archer’s dog.

I really like Dr. Phlox.

I like the continued feel of the Enterprise crew still figuring everything out. They are all amateurs at this. For example, Malcom and Travis calibrating the targeting computer. The crew doesn’t have established protocols for encounters, because they haven’t had any yet. Who should go on away teams? What do they do when they actually find stuff? Lots of ways to build and maintain tension. Good times.

The argument on the bridge between Archer and T’Pol was interesting, but a little misplaced in my opinion. I get her argument that different species have different protocols for interaction, but there was fairly compelling evidence that the Anaxar ship had been raided and was in distress. The continuation of their argument over dinner was much more effective. Overall, it is still working to keep the “Vulcans and Humans learning to like each other” arc.

I LOVE that they quarantine the away teams when they return to ship (forgot to give props to that from the last episode). Nice touch that easily could have been overlooked. We are so used to the “clean” transporter mechanism. Nice that they aren’t relying on that yet…but I’m sure that’ll change soon enough.

I was kind of weird to see a photon torpedo ricochet off another ship. I know that they are basically super-sized artillery shells, but it was still odd…and r-e-a-l-l-y slow. But it does leave obvious room for the technology to improve over time.

Loved the super slow shuttle craft docking and the topside hatch. Very old school feel.

Nitpicks:

Hoshi was very whine-y in this episode. I know it was her character building episode, but still. Hope she’s gotten over herself for next time.

Translators…so they do have translators (used initially when hailing the Anaxar ship)…but Hoshi has to spend a lot of time on the computer decoding the Anaxar language, even though they had extended samples from the Anaxar ship logs. Even so, in the big moment, the computer couldn’t do it, but Hoshi could? Good for her, but it felt like a big stretch.

I know that it is the Star Trek “thing”, and I promise not to comment on it every time, but it makes NO sense at all that the captain…or any senior executive officer…would ever be the first on the ground for anything except the most routine of missions. Peaceful exploration or not, this is still basically the space navy. They would totally send a bunch of red-shirts first to scope it out every.single.time.

The captain started to order security teams to repel boarders from the bio-smugglers’ ship, but he is distracted by the hail from the incoming Anaxar ship. Malcolm was just about to get on the turbolift before the hail, but then immediate returned to his station on the bridge…like he couldn’t possible anticipate what Archer wanted? Archer never belayed the order. However, even when it is still going down, and their freakin’ hull is getting breached, Archer STILL never finalized the order for internal security. Like, everyone NOT on the bridge was just sitting around doing their thing, waiting to get murdered by space pirates.

And on a related note…any time that Archer wants to go to red alert is probably OK.

THE STUPID SLUG! Fine…it is moderately humorous that the Enterprise’s “first contact” (after meeting Vulcans, and Klingons, and Sulibans, and all the other assorted aliens from the space bar in the first episode…) was a simple slug. Why did Hoshi ever bring it back on the ship anyway? She seemed so worried about it but she couldn’t predict that they would know NOTHING about how to take care of it? Why take only one, if you are taking one at all? She said it needed an argon rich atmosphere…presumably different from typical class M atmosphere. But Dr. Phlox just casually opened the lid to feed it in sick bay. And when they dropped of the slug at the end, no one was wearing environmental suits. I know that argon is a non-reactive gas, but either the slug breathes Earth air, or it doesn’t. Archer really rerouted the ship just to drop off the slug? I guess. BUT THEY JUST DROPPED THE POOR THING OFF ON SOME RANDOM ALIEN (TO IT) WORLD. HOW IS THAT BETTER THAN JUST LETTING IT DIE IN SICK BAY? Yeah sure, Hoshi gets to tie it up all pretty at the end with her Hoshi/slug metaphor…but it isn’t going to magically survive on a different plant just because she feels better about herself.